A Year of Lessons

2015 was one of those years. I started the year thinking; all my dreams will come true, this was going to be the year I reach my hypothetical Canaan.  Am almost sure God looked at me and smiled because he knew he was about to teach some lessons I will never forget. I think this was a year of lessons than it was of living the dream.

On love

I have always believed love is something you feel and when you cannot feel it, it couldn’t possibly be love. Born in a generation where we fall in and out of love faster than you can say the word ‘hi’. Forgive me for thinking that love is an emotion.

To me, the year held such a promise of love; this is in the sense of being surrounded by family, friends and a special someone. In my heart of hearts, it was already decided hell or high waters; it was going to be the year that love finds me.

See the idea of boy meets girl. Boy falls madly in love with girl. Girl feelings are mutual and the rest is history. I had this pretty picture in my head. No rainy days just sunny days filled with love. Blame the sappy Hollywood movies I have indulged over and over again. This completely warped the idea of what true love really is.

Anything different my heart would immediately press delete. It had to look like this. Anything else was unacceptable.

Yes, boy did meet girl. Boy even really liked girl, well girl was already gone before it even started (haha) but it was no fairytale from there.

Things were backward. Girl was supposed to be wanting to go, Boy was supposed to be begging her to stay. Love was supposed to be clear-not murky confused back and forth’s and metaphorical mountains in between.

This wasn’t my idea of love but this was God’s idea of two broken people trying to become one, painful.

Another lesson was in progress. A love that; gives, is patient, is kind, does not keep a record of wrongs, does not put itself first and that is not easily angered. This kind is the real deal, yes, it’s painful sometimes, its heart wrenching even but it’s also enduring.

There were lessons in there on patient endurance, on putting the needs of others before mine, on laying down pride and putting on humility. On putting down what I had believed and looking through the lenses of someone else’s perspective, and the realization that my idea was all wrong and I needed a makeover… no not really a makeover but really a brainwash!

Here was a different perspective. There was no such thing as perfect love, I couldn’t walk away just because it got complicated and things didn’t go my way. This was a huge deal for the girl who never dealt with complications. She was always the first one out the door whenever it stopped being fun.

About feelings, I learnt I couldn’t really depend on them because let us be honest how many times do we feel so many things about a person? The thing about feelings is they feel so real but tend to change so easily and so quickly. Therefore, feelings had to be abandoned.

To be able to do this there had to exist something bigger than my fickle heart and to be honest love won. No, not the sappy Hollywood kind that lasts 72 days. But a love that lasts through the winter rains and sunny days.

By the end of this year, I believe I walked away with this lesson if nothing else.  Love is no longer gooey feelings, kisses, hugs and all those sweet stuff, but a commitment to give everything ,bearing all things ,believing all things and enduring all things.

 On dreams

Joseph had a dream; Jacob had a dream, King David had a dream, Martin Luther king had a dream…..anyone who has made a significant change (depends on your view of significant) in this world had to have dreamt.

I have had dreams… Some I held loosely, some I carried in the recess of my heart, some too fragile to say aloud, some too big to keep to myself.

Am encouraged by all those dreamers who believed against all odds in their God given dreams because to be honest, there are some we give ourselves. Knowing if it’s in my heart then it is possible.

The opportunity to live a dream found its way to me. but this also came with the decision to run for the hills or do it afraid, to be honest running seemed like the easy way out ,but to live with the regret of I could have done it but didn’t was even bigger. Therefore, I learnt to do it afraid.

In some ways though, it felt like standing in front of a crowd with no pants on (excuse the pun) but I did it anyway and in the process learnt that sometimes it’s purely hard work and requires many hours to get better. In addition, there’s the occasional falling flat on your face and the overwhelming fear of what if I fail?

Still I know this now. The dreams that have not come true have become bigger and those that have come true were triggers for me to dream even more and bigger.

Yes.  Some were too heavy to carry and for those amazing grace stepped right in and bore the burden for me. There was even a requirement to let go of some and dream from a different perspective but the greatest was certainly to keep dreaming and believing in those dreams!

 On Grace

Am the type of person who does not have much tolerance for surprises ,I don’t like surprises but I assume no sane human being does except when they are nice surprises of course . Many times even nice surprises easily become disasters. I can count a handful of times where people who meant well tried to surprise me and that didn’t end very well.

I always have liked to map out my year and the way I map it out is by primarily knowing what the year was about of course, based on God’s word.  I had this desire to know what was 2015 going to be about and one thing I kept hearing is ‘grace’, so this was to be the year of grace awesome!

 Because I had done my research, there wouldn’t be any surprises. That’s what I thought!

According to what I know Grace is undeserved ,unearned and unmerited favor ,this was so good ,I mean I did not have to work much this year ,a lot of things were going to fall in place on their own ,at least this is what I thought.

I couldn’t be far from the truth. Yes, grace is undeserved, unearned and unmerited favor, but there was another side of Grace that according to Paul was also as important as the good stuff that favor brings into our lives.

In 2 Corinthians, 12:9 says ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'

I can assure you I did not want that revelation in my life but God was determined to help me along. The thing about God is if we accept we need help He steps in. but if we are determined to do it ourselves. He is a real gentleman; and waits until we can see how hopeless we are without him. 

Eventually in weakness, we all must bow.

Nobody likes to admit that I struggle or that I get weak. Everybody likes to be strong, capable and well able to tackle life as it comes. But even the strong get weak and no matter how much brave face I put on, I needed a divine intervention but am so glad because now I know no matter how weak I get, there will always be one who is stronger.

 2015 really was the year of grace. It turns out it was the year I will get a deeper understanding of what Grace really is, in all its facets and phases.

on Being Teachable

The bible talks about a fool being a person who does not like to learn but airs what he knows which usually is folly.

Proverbs 12:15 "the way of a fool is right in his own eyes but he who listens to counsel is wise."

To be unteachable is to be a fool. There’s also the verse that says understanding comes easy to those that are teachable.

Am not the most teachable person I know ,maybe because I was born with the gift of gab (emphasis on gift) .people like me tend to say what they think ,no matter who cares to listen. It’s hard for me to listen. When I do, my brain is busy looking for something to say to what am hearing.

Yep! am one of those ever recovering know it all types, I hate to be around those. yet am inclined to be one of them.

It’s funny how God gave us two ears and one mouth, but there is the endless war between the mouth and the ears maybe if we had two mouths and one ear we would listen more than we talk. I know I would!

James 1:19 says be quick to listen and slow to speak…

 I found myself in a place where I had to sit and learn to listen, even when what they taught could have been something I probably already knew. But in the midst of this I realized I did not know as much as I thought I did (imagine that!) and in humbling myself I carried away one or two new things.

Here is to gaining a heart of wisdom with the mouth closed and with our ears all “perked up like a deer” ready to do some listening!