When God says NO.

I have been here…. Asking, seeking, banging down doors….and feeling like I could not live without it (funny how it feels like we just can’t live without that thing) …still the answer was a loud no. wondering if there’s something am doing wrong , because when  everyone around me was getting their ‘yes’  all I seemed to be getting is a No.

Why won’t God answer my prayers? I agonized

Why won’t He say yes to my request? It’s not that much… some of you would say,all I want is a job or I just want to get married,or I just want to be promoted.”

How do you navigate through a season of No’s and still emerge on the other side of your faith?

1) God will say NO, when our requests violates His will for our lives

This is true especially in matters, relationships.  God will say no when what we are asking Him violates His intention for our lives.

 Right now in my late twenties, am so glad about the prayers that God didn’t answer when I was 18 or 22 years because they would have been out of His will for my life.

God’s will for all His children is that our lives brings Jesus honor  and glory and that we might enjoy life and have it in overflow , so anything that doesn’t honor, glorify or give us life is a NO-No .

Or what man is there of you, if his son asks him for bread will give him a stone?

Or if he asks for fish, will hand him a serpent?

If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good gifts to your children , how much more will your father who is in heaven  give  good things to those who asks Him. (Matthew 7:9 -11)

It’s God’s will to give us good things therefore He will most definitely deny us the requests that are not good for us. They may look and even feel good to us but He is all knowing, He sees the future when all we see is right here right now.

2) God will answer NO when we pray at cross-purpose with another person.

Picture this scenario.

A lady gets a prophetic word concerning her marriage. Before she meets him, God   gives her his name. She doesn’t take it seriously, because what are the odds of her meeting someone with that name. She doesn’t take it seriously. Yet in the same heartbeat, she feels like there is a call on her life to intercede for her future marriage even when she doesn’t know who he is or where he is.

A year later she meets a guy, he introduces himself by his second name. Immediately she’s taken with him, which is strange because she has always been cautious when it comes to things of the heart.  Shortly after, she leaves for a job in another town. A year later, she returns and things become a little clearer. The name from the prophecy now had a face; the guy she liked a year earlier.

It now makes perfect sense however, there’s one little problem. He is engaged to someone else!  God seemed to have forgotten to update him about His plan.

Even though the guy is asking God to bless their union, He has to say no to his request because God had already preplanned a bride for him. For God to say yes to him, He has to say no and be unfaithful to the lady who got the prophetic word.

I know this sound like a reel from an awful Mexican soap opera but ….this is my story.  

Here is Biblical example,

James and john, the sons of Zebedee came to Jesus.  “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask.”

“What do you want me to do for you?” he asked

They replied, “Let one of us sit at your right hand and the other at your left in your glory.”

You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said, “to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those whom they have been prepared for.”(Mark 10:35-40)

God’s no sometimes is this response ….you don’t know what you are asking for ….and because I know more than you am going to say no.

3) God will answer No when our requests are premature.

Sometimes in the kingdom of God, there are specific times set for some things to happen. All we can do is to put our trust in a God who is perfect in all He does.

But these things I plan won’t happen right away slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled

If it seems slow, do not despair for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day! (Habakkuk 2:3 the msg)

 Has God given you a promise that seems to be taking a little longer than you expected? Hold on and do not despair! It will not prove false. There is an appointed time and the fulfillment will come.

4) God will answer No, when it will result in bringing Him greater glory

When Jesus received the message, He said, this sickness shall not end in death but it is to Honor God and to promote His glory that the Son of God may be glorified through it. (John 11:4)

The rest of the story ends with Jesus raising Lazarus up from the dead. . If all Jesus did was to heal him , people already knew he was a healer , but if He raised him up from the dead they will have a new revelation of God as one who  resurrects dead things.

What is dead in your life? Is it a relationship? Have you just lost a job you’ve worked in for years?  A dream you always thought you will have.

God is still in the resurrection business and when people see what He brings back to life in your life they will glorify God. You probably already know Him as a job giver, a relationship builder, a dream giver but…

 Do you know Him as the life and the resurrection?

Sometimes, He will say no to our requests to save something from dying so He can glorify Himself by bringing it back to life.

 There’s something about watching something that was dead come back to life. It will do something to your faith.







5) God will say no, because we have not been prepared to receive what we are asking for

If you have read the bible, you notice there is no one that God used to do something great that didn’t go through gruesome preparation.

It took Joseph 12 years to get to the palace, his preparation was slavery and jail (ouch!), and it took Moses 40 years to be able to live the call that was on his life. It took David around 17 years to sit on the throne of Israel.

Some of us are crying to God for some things that will take us years to be prepared.

 What am saying is that as long as an heir is a child and underage, he is no different from a slave though he owns everything their father had

But he is under guardians and trustees until he is of age. (Galatians 4:1-2) emphasis mine

Children do not access inheritance, it’s only entrusted to a mature son and daughter.

When you have done all you know to do and still the answer is no, remember:

 1) God is good and all He does revolves around this, even when I can’t see or feel it. He remains good.  I hold on to His unchangeable nature and his unchanging grace becomes my anchor through the dark.

Jesus is the same yesterday ,today and forever , even when everything around me is changing or not changing I can hold on to this fact.

2) He is the beginning and the end. When all I have of the whole picture is the keyhole view that am fixated on, He can see the whole parade play out from the very start to the end.  He has the rooftop view. Sometimes, He allows us to see a lot more than where we are, other times he gives us bit by bit and that is okay with me, coz He has all the view.

3) When He is saying no to one thing, He is saying yes to another. When I hear a no, I ask Him to help me release it, no bitterness or resentment and lead me to the yes for that moment.

Sometimes the yes is for a season of rest, a season of growth and preparation, a season of learning to trust or a season for a new thing.

Here is a funny thing, the very thing that He said no to a year ago is the same reason why am lifting my hands up in praise for right now….my perspective has changed I see differently now.

I am so thankful He didn’t give me what I was crying and pining for last year. Imagine that

I know you think and feel like you cannot live without…… a job, a ring, a promotion or whatever it is that you’ve been asking God for but with time you will laugh so hard( at yourself of course) when you see how unwise it was and how distorted your perspective was….

pruned for fruitfulness.

The dictionary defines pruning as, ‘to trim by cutting away dead or overgrown branches so as to encourage growth.’

A farmer will often plant his fruit trees, but within a few years of carefully tending the trees, most farmers find themselves with unsightly overgrown trees instead of the perfect garden they envisioned.

When we become Christians, we are small beautiful seedlings sprouting off the ground but with time, we become scraggly overgrown trees. Therefore, to become beautiful fruit trees, God has to prune us occasionally.

The most appropriate time to prune trees is during winter.  In this season, the trees do not have foliage making pruning much easier.

Winter, we all experience it, sometimes it a winter of pain, of trial or weakness. During this time, it’s easy for God to prune us because all the things that do not represent who He is in us will show up.

God uses the very circumstances in our lives that we despise the most to prune us.

When we are most uncomfortable, He is most at work.

                                                   *The clean up*

The first step of pruning is called the clean up. This is where every branch that is dead, damaged or diseased is cut away.

Dead, damaged and diseased branches will never produce any fruit so they have to be removed.

 We often carry some things in our lives that are dead, damaged or diseased. God begins by dealing with these 3 D’s. He takes these things out so the rest of the tree can grow .

God will use the word as a cleaner for our souls and our minds.

You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. (John 15: 3)

When I began my journey as a Christian, the first thing that God cut out of my life were the friendships and relationships I had, some, I had built for over 10 years (ouch!). I fought so hard to retain them; I possessively held unto them but they were dead, damaged and diseased and had to go. They were surely not leading me to the fullness of who God created me to be. They were leading me away from God and the purpose He has for my life.

I remember a friend telling me that when I come over to hang out with him, I should put my Jesus in my back pocket( oh!he was the one that went into my back pocket ). I quickly reconsidered spending time with him.

Could you be carrying around some dead, damaged and diseased weight that God has been telling you to let go?

Still in the cleanup process, is removing the branches sprouting from the base of the trunk of the tree. 

They are called ‘suckers’ these are the types that tend to suck the life out of the tree.

In our lives, God has to get rid of the suckers that are depleting life from us.

An example of this is addictions. They deceivingly feel like they give us comfort, but in reality tend to steal life from us instead.

Suckers……When we are feeling lonely we run to them; when we are hurt we run to them ;when we are afraid we run to them; whenever we feel disappointed and discouraged we run to them.

My story

I struggled with masturbation for nine years but God miraculously delivered me from this addiction (I blogged about it here).  You might think that it is not wrong or it’s not as bad as fornication right? Speaking from experience, it was sucking the life out of me and was hindering me from having healthy relationships. It had to go.

Your addiction may not be Lust related (fornication, pornography, masturbation) .It could be something that looks harmless like food, affirmation (this is a sneaky one, got selfies anyone?), success or people’s approval (the struggle is really ya’ll).

Then there is the ‘water sprouts’ branches, these ones are bad for the tree because they block light and air circulation within the tree. Meaning they compete with the main branches on the tree.

God will always prune any water sprouts off our tree. This is anything that tries to compete with God’s first place in our lives.

Any Y shape in a tree trunk creates a weak zone and two competing branches.

Jesus says, “you cannot serve two masters, either you will hate the one and love the other, you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” (Luke 16:13)

 This statement does not refer to  money only( although money is a pretty big deal or Jesus would not have addressed it) still, many things can and do compete with God in our lives.

Anything that comes before my God,

Anything I want and give all of my heart to,

Anything that I feel like I cannot live without,

Is a water sprout that God will have to prune.

                                            * The Thinning Out*

This is the second part of the pruning process. Now that the tree is all cleaned up, it is time to go deeper with the pruning.

Thinning out usually involves branches that are either growing downwards, towards the center of the tree or that cross paths with other branches.

Unlike clean up, the branches have life in them and could very well produce some fruits . 

Nevertheless, the goal of thinning is to boost fruit production and reduce problems with pests and diseases.

In our lives , God will usually do thinning out to the Christian who has submitted to the first process of pruning and is all cleaned up.  The farmer cannot go to the second part until the first part is complete.

We are the ones who decide whether God will continue the pruning process by how we respond to the pruning.

Hebrews 12:5 tells us not to scorn the Lord’s discipline but instead submit to Him because he disciplines us for our own good and so we might share in His holiness.

What happens when we resent His discipline?

But the godless in heart stores up anger (at the divine discipline)

They do not cry to Him for help when he binds them (with cords of affliction)

They die in youth

But, He rescues the afflicted in their affliction and opens their ears (to hear His voice) in times of trouble. (Job 36:13)

God will not force pruning on us . If we become resentful ,He will let us be.

We may have some branches in our lives that need thinning out . Sometimes. We are so stretched by so many responsibilities that if we continue this way we will not bear good fruits in the place that God wants us fruitful in.

Here is an example from the bible.

As  they continued in their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before  the master, hanging onto every word  he said. But Martha was distracted by all that she had to do. 

Later she stepped in and interrupted them,  “ Master don’t you care that my sister has  left me to do the work by myself ? Tell her to lend me a hand.”

The master replied, “Martha, Martha, you are fussing too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing, but one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better. (John 10:38-42).

This explains thinning out perfectly. Martha was busy serving which was a good thing, but in that moment, she was missing a visitation from God. The serving could wait but to sit at His feet was a gift that would pass by.

 God in flesh was in their living room and Martha was everywhere else but in His presence.

Could you be missing out a God moment like Martha because you are too busy doing other things?

Serving and getting involved in projects is not bad. However, when that work consume and distract us from experiencing God, we are no longer going to be as productive as God would like us to be.

God idea of productiveness is that which flows from our abiding in Him.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5).

God will take us through a thinning process to show us what is important to Him, what we are fussing over unnecessarily and what we need to let go so we can be more fruitful.

                                                           * The Head Back*

The last step in pruning is the ‘head back’.  It is simply giving the tree a haircut. The idea is to prune back the outmost growth of the tree, making the branches shorter and thicker as they grow.

The head back process is necessary because it prevents the branches from breaking under the weight of the fruit.

Fruitfulness can be a danger to a tree that has no structure to sustain it, therefore it is important to do a head back.

A mature Christian will produce fruits. Yet even the mature Christian will still require the occasional pruning. But here the pruning doesn’t involve removing branches but rather reducing the size of the branches to give them structure.

Your gifts (abilities) will open doors for you but your character will keep those doors open, it’s often said, which paints a perfect picture for this step.

Here we know what God has called us to do. We know what our work assignment is, but now God has to take some time and develop our characters, so that when we are flourishing in our gifting it will not break us.

God will often cut off all the pride, lust, envy, bitterness, selfishness, impatience, because left unpruned they will break us in our fruit-bearing season.

Again, God will not force us to go through the pruning process, but if we submit ourselves to His guidance, He will take us through some difficult things that will mould our characters and make us into people who have the capacity to sustain our fruitfulness.

Will you go through the pruning process?

Will you submit yourself to His discipline?

 Sometimes it will hurt like hell… yes you will feel the sting….Sometimes it will be much easier...but God has the future in mind.

Don’t quit. Don’t run.  Put your trust in the father who always knows best and is perfectly good.

Dealing with discontentment

There were two teardrops floating down the river of life.

One teardrop said to the other,

“Who are you?”

The teardrop answered. “I’m a teardrop from a girl who loved a man and lost him. And who are you?”

“I’m a teardrop from the girl who got him.”

 Like in this story, in life, we go after things thinking they will make us content only to find that after we got them we aren’t better off than we were when we didn’t have them.

If the girl who lost the guy met with the girl who got him maybe, she will realize she dodged a bullet. If the girl who got him would meet the girl who lost him maybe, she would realize she got a gem  (there is a joke in here somewhere).

What does it mean to be content?  Let us define it the way God’s word defines it:

Contentment is having a heart that is at rest from knowing that we are right with God and that…in all seasons…in all situations…. God is in control of everything that happens to us.

Like the psalmist says, “The righteous man shall not be moved; He shall not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is firmly fixed, trusting in the lord.”(Psalms 112:7)

This is contentment, when your heart is fixed on trusting God, it doesn’t matter what comes your way.

Sometimes, contentment can be an elusive chase. Because we might find that we are content, today then, something happens to us tomorrow and our contentment goes out the window.

Here are some few ways that I do to deal with discontentment;

Thanksgiving and praise

This was King David’s secret of being content.

I am in pain and in distress; may your salvation O God, protect me.

I will praise God’s name in a song and magnify Him with thanksgiving. (Psalms 69:29-30)

David had a revelation he could choose to either magnify his pain and distress or magnify God.  He chose the latter.

How did he magnify God?

He brought Him a song of praise and thanksgiving.

He is pain…. He is in distress…But instead of magnifying his pain and distress by focusing on it, he shifts his focus on the goodness of God.

He takes a different road and instead of looking at what he didn’t have, He thanked Him for what he did have.  

 Something changes whenever I do this. Suddenly I see things I didn’t see before. I see the little day-to-day miracles. All of a sudden all my blessings are brought to light… I see His joy… I see His provision for things I don’t even need yet I have them ….I see His unfailing love, sometimes, through other people; I see His goodness in the answered prayers.

Praise is a deliberate consideration of God’s attributes and choosing to dwell on them.

So go ahead consider His Amazing attributes and choose to dwell on them.

Learn to be content

Contentment is not a gift of the Holy Spirit that we can pray for and unexpectedly wake up one day contented.  It’ something we learn,  it’s more like a fruit, it has to be cultivated , it has to be watered ,it has to be grown(ouch!). Paul exemplifies this for us.

I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.(Philippians 4:12)

It dint come naturally to him; He dint wake up one day and behold contentment had stole up on him. He had to learn day in day out, situation by situation. It was a process.

Maybe we need to make a choice and decide we will be content no matter where we find ourselves. If we are single, we will be content; if we get married, we will be content. If we have jobs we love, we will be content; if we don’t like our jobs we will be content anyway. If we get to live our dreams, we will be content; if we never get to live our dreams, we will still be content.

Let us learn how to be and grow in contentment. Subsequently, we will find ourselves enjoying God’s blessings more. We will no longer live in regret of the time we wasted because we were busy looking somewhere else.

Change of perspective

 Sometimes, we find ourselves discontented because we are looking at things from the wrong perspective. A change of perspective would probably make a huge difference.

Here is an example.

A woman who wakes up one day and thinks, “This house is a mess, I will never be able to rest today. My husband and kids are ungrateful and lazy.”

Same woman wakes up the next day and thinks, “I live in a nice house, and I can rest if I want to, my husband works hard to pay the bills, my kids are a gift from God and I am not alone.”

I bet you that her two days will be as different as day and night. Why? Because what she chooses to focus on sets the tone for her day.

Here is a fact; a discontented single will make a discontented spouse. A discontented employee will make a discontented boss. A discontented woman without a child will be a discontented mother.

Other times, we think that if things will change then we will be content and happy.

A man shared a room with nine other people.  Troubled, he goes to see his pastor for some advice

He says, “Life is unbearable; there are nine of us living in the same room. What can I do?”

His pastor tells him, “Take your goat into the room with you.”

He was a bit skeptical but his pastor insisted, “Do as I say and come back in a week.”

A week later, the man returned looking even more flustered than before.

“We can’t stand it. The goat is filthy.” He told his pastor.

His pastor said, “Go home and take the goat out, then come back in a week.”

A week later the man returned joyful and exclaimed, “Life is beautiful! We enjoy every minute now that there is no goat. It’s just the nine of us now.

Sometimes, all we need is a different outlook and our situation doesn’t seem so bad anymore.