Preparing To Be A Wife:My Journey

Proverbs 18:22, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."

This verse has been life changing.

 One, because the woman mentioned isn’t running around trying to find a man. She knows who she is and that is enough to attract the man meant for her.

Secondly, I realize the verse doesn’t say he who finds a girlfriend, a fiancée, a beauty queen or whatever it says a wife. Meaning it’s possible for a man to find all kinds of things but it’s only when he finds A WIFE that he truly finds a good thing and obtains favor from God.

I remember one Saturday evening listening to a discussion on marriage, and a woman said, “Most of us are busy asking God for a spouse and not just a spouse but a good one.”

She asked, "can you be trusted with a good thing?” 

I had never asked myself this question.  If God answered, would I be trustworthy of what He gives me or would I mess up that gift? Could I be trusted with a good thing? This question opened my eyes from the stupor I was in.

Until that time, most of my prayers concerning marriage revolved around one thing what he should be when he shows up. I had me a neat list, and I took it with me to my prayer closet every time and waved it before God. We all have them. For some of us, they are written down in ink. For others they are mental notes strung up in the expectations we have of how our spouses should look and be like.

I realized I had it all backward. I wanted him to look a certain way, dress a certain way, have a certain career, love me well the list is endless. Never did I pause to ask would I be what my future husband requires? You bet he has a list all written up for himself too. 

Would I like if all those expectations I had put on him were what he expects of me? Gosh! I didn’t want that kind of pressure so my list had to go.

.Finally my perspective changed. I threw out my list (I know such a grand move!) and asked God to write for me the list he wanted me to have. God started showing me the kind of man that he was going to bring into my life not so I can check list it anytime a guy asked me out or showed me a little interest but so that I can become the kind of wife that he needed to be married to.

                                                  *Dating myself *

 How could I expect someone to love me if I didn’t know how to love me? I had to take time to be by myself to discover what I was like, my strengths, and my weaknesses. The purpose God has for my life. See am his helpmeet. His purpose is my purpose. How would identify him if I didn’t know what I was called to help with? It means any man who came along would do but if I knew what I was created to do then I could easily tell him apart from the counterfeits.

I stayed single for 4 years.

Genesis 2:15, 18. Amp, “and the lord God took the man (Adam) and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it.

Now the Lord God said it’s not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; let’s make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.

                                            *A call to serve *

Marriage is a call to serve. Am called to serve my future husband and in order to be able do that I have found myself in situations where God was developing a servant’s heart in me.

 For the past 3 years, I have found myself in places where I have had to learn to serve. I served when I didn’t feel like it, served when what I was doing wasn’t necessarily being celebrated. I served when it hurt.

Sometime last year, I had just finished a work contract and while I waited for God to open up another one. I moved in with someone. A few weeks after moving in with her, she told me to do something and the way she said it was a bit disrespectful and demeaning. My pride kicked in.

Here I was muttering to myself about how I was too smart and altogether too special for this!  After all I was intelligent and well educated and how I was meant for some big job in a big company somewhere and not this menial work I had been assigned. I hated it.

 In the middle of this fit, I also heard the still small voice of the Holy Spirit saying to me, “trust me and honor me by honoring her.” From this day on we never had a discussion on whether I was going to do what I was asked or whether it was beneath me. I did some growing up and obeyed God.

 God was working silently in the middle of my hang-ups and unbeknownst to me, was putting in place a healthy environment, where my future husband and I could court and get to know each other.  If I had refused to submit to her, without a doubt I would have missed my chance to get to know him.

This was not my way it was God's way.

 God knew that by putting me under this person my character would grow. It was determined my passing this test would inevitably opened the door for love for me. Can you imagine if I hadn’t?

                                 *Love became a choice*

  I was in love with the idea of a lifelong love. I just didn’t know what a lifelong love was or how it looked like. I used to think that love was all wrapped up in sentiments and chemistry. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize their role in this kind of love was so small.

Little by little, situation by situation God introduced to me what a lifelong love looks like.

I started learning that love was patient and it endured long, I could no longer walk away from this because it wasn’t appealing to my five senses, or because it became messy and complicated. God is patient with us as he works on us and the same patience is required of us for other people.

To love is to put someone needs before yours sometimes and going his way even when it may not be what we are used to. I found out that I couldn’t always be first, and insist that things go my way. There is never a time things will be going my way all the time when there are two people involved.

Forgiveness is a gift that I will continuously be giving to my future husband because love doesn’t keep a record of wrong nor does it pay attention to the wrongs done to it. Sometimes it’s easy other times it’s extremely hard but  I could not afford to carry unforgiveness because it not only hinders God in our relationship but also my life.

Mercy, someone taught me to frequently deposit in the mercy bank because I don’t know when I might need a withdrawal. We all need mercy from time to time and when we sow it, we will be sure to reap.

Love is kind, there has been a time where I wanted to repay unkindness with unkindness but the Holy Spirit whispered nobody wins in this game. Play by my rules and you will both win. To give kindness where there is spite does not come natural, it takes the supernatural. It’s easy to be kind because am not depending on me am depending on Him.

                                       *Preparation through Prayer*

All I would say is pray pray and pray some more! Pray as if his life depends on it because you just might find out it does.

 There are times where I have prayed a miss and its was okay. Nevertheless, as I became faithful in praying for him, God started giving me insights into his life, his struggles, and his secrets. The Holy Spirit started to teach me how to intercede for him. There are things I know about him that he would not share with me but because the Holy Spirit knew I was going to pray for him, He entrusted me with them.

For example in 2014, months after we met  every time I would pray for him I felt like God was telling me to pray Godly friendships into his life. Without knowing, I was praying him into the same group of friends that I had. This allowed us to get to know each other well in a group setting (courtship God’s way). When I prayed for him concerning friendships I was praying him into my life. Imagine that.

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you to pray, pray in the spirit, you can never pray wrong in tongues because it’s the Holy Spirit praying through you.

Pray for his life, his purpose, his job, his friendships, and his heart. Pray that God will teach and prepare him for his role as a husband and as a father.  And watch as God starts to realign his life, in accordance to His will.

                                          *Getting wisdom*

The word of God remains my life manual. It’s the ultimate source of all wisdom. It’s also a relationship manual. If the Bible is, all you will ever read in this life it will be sufficient.

However, it doesn’t hurt to learn from people who have healthy Christ centered marriages. We honestly have no excuse to enter into marriage without wisdom because we live in an age where information is only a click away.

 A wise person learns from other people’s mistakes, a fool learns from his own mistakes.

I want to do my very best in marriage. but sometimes our best is just not good enough so I have decided that I will not only bring my best but I will take other people’s best and add to my best . No one intentionally prepares to fail but it’s no secret that failing to prepare sets us up for failure.

God has poured into my life through tons of people, this list is inexhaustible but here are some of the people God has been using to help me prepare for marriage:

·         Pastor Tommy Nelson, he teaches on the book of songs of Solomon from Dating to being married. It’s very interesting.

·         Heather and Cornelius Lindsey, she blogs, teaches and they have books on marriage.

·         Joyce Meyer ,she’s a practical bible teacher, she teaches on how to use the word of God in our day to day life

·         Jimmy and Karen Evans, they have a show called marriage today, it’s a great resource for singles and married couples.

·         Pastor Kathy kiuna show woman without limits has given some wonderful insights on marriage. She also has a book on marriage.

·         Dr. Stanley Mukolwe, He mentors couples that are preparing to get married and those already married. I attended a forum that he was invited to speak at.

·         Kris valloton, He is prophetic, a marriage counselor and teaches in Bethel church, he shares some marriage wisdom in his preaching.

·         Pastor Tony Gobanga and his wife, they sometimes come on radio and talk on marriage, great wisdom.

My heart’s desire is for us as Christians to have marriages that are thriving and full of life so much that the world will come to us and asks us what our secret is. Then we can point them to Jesus who is Life and life more abundantly.

Proverbs 31:10, Amp. A capable, intelligent and virtuous woman ---who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

God bless you,

Lucy.